As a young adult, I never imagined the picture of raising children to involve me lying face down in the yard with turf in my teeth. And yet, here I am. I blame middle school as it is, most assuredly, a contact sport. This fall, …
Confessions of a Recovering Conformist
Last fall I ordered a sweater pill shaver to revamp several of my favorite over-worn outfits. The Amazon package arrived before I returned home from work, so it was opened in my absence. That evening, I found the device sitting next to my toothbrush. The …
Fanny Packs of Faith
My mother-in-law wears a fanny pack. Since meeting my husband in 1995, I can’t recall a time when she hasn’t adorned one. I remember wondering as a teenager what she carried in it. Unlike my mother’s large and fashionable handbags, the practical fanny pack only …
Ballgame: When Your Kid Quits Your Favorite Sport
My daughter retired from gymnastics, and I’m certain that I need therapy. Her decision to quit was not a hasty one. It was accompanied by handwringing and tears. But after 18 months of chronic shoulder pain, we knew that the only option was to hang …
Date Night
My husband and I are dating each other again. COVID tried to kill our fun, but we aren’t having it. I’ve known Pat for 26 years, but over time he has affectionately become known to me as “Clark,” as life with him is a wildly-wacky, …
Hindsight’s 2020
My 92-year-old grandmother has a Facebook page. She’s never been a fan of missing out on the action. Instead, she chooses to be in the middle of it. So during this time, when I’m convinced that the whole world’s gone crazy, I decided to engage …
Funny Farm
Last week I bit a ping pong ball in half. It occurred right after my oldest son pelted me in the forehead with it. I had calmly asked him 17 times to stop throwing it. I’m certain he will no longer ignore my requests nor …
I Woke Up Like This: Death by Comparison
I own a fake Louis Vuitton handbag. My sister calls it the “Flouis.” It came to live in my closet a few years ago when a friend gifted it to me. I’m positive that she was tired of hearing me lust over the authentic ones. …
This is 40
Forty is upon me like the impending hangover from a cheap vodka martini. It’s coming, and it’s going to be painful. And although, I’ve had some subtle hints of its arrival along the way, I’m bracing for more not-so-subtle change. Last month I threw out …
Allied Forces: The Powerful Force Between Mother and Daughter
I’m pretty certain that my daughter is the one raising me. I’m not sure when this role reversal happened. That was never my intention. Her entrance into this world was shared with her much larger twin brother. The physician told us that her brother had …
This is Us
My wedding dress isn’t the only thing that no longer fits. I’m not the same person that my husband married. Fifteen years in, I remember what that woman looked like, but I have no idea who she was. We’ve changed. At the age of 24, …
Ball Mom: Taking Crazy to a Whole New Level
Several weeks ago in the Kroger checkout line, a beautiful, muscled-up specimen of a man winked at me. He smiled. I was tempted to turn around and look behind me, but Instead I mustered up all the courage I had and returned a smile. “Awesome!” …
Momin’ and the Work/Life Balance: A Farce of Epic Proportion
I’ll never forget the first time I lost my balance and face-planted for one of my kids. I had just returned to work after my lengthy maternity leave. The working mom guilt was on me like permanent marker. My brain could not fathom that God …
Adulting…is for the birds
Once, while attending a cocktail party, I caught on fire. It was New Year’s Eve, and I had allowed myself to be roped into attending a party with a bunch of strangers. In 2001, no one carried cell phones. There was no Facebook or Instagram …
Girl Tribe: Together We’re Better
After a lengthy war with infertility treatment, I convinced myself that getting pregnant and having kiddos is the hardest part of parenting. How naïve could I possibly be? After the twins were born at 34 weeks gestation, I quickly discovered how wrong I was. There …
Be Merry, Be Bright & Be Truthful
I’m stranded in a Mexican airport with my husband, my dentist, and my gynecologist. There’s a tropical storm coming, and our plane is having technical difficulty. At least we have our bases covered. Somewhere between check in and Terminal C, I snagged a golf ball-sized …
I Used to Be Cool
Yesterday I found a bald spot. I had just taken a sip of my morning coffee. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, but there it sat shiny and proud in the part of my hair. This just so happened to be the same week I …