Our story is not new. In fact, the probability of similar stories in your life or that of someone you care about is more likely than not. In every walk of life, every race, every faith and in every income bracket, there are women who find themselves shattered with the news of the death of their spouse or their marriage. Whether your spouse dies or declares your marriage is over, the news brings a host of painful challenges and associated emotions. We are familiar with all of them.
Though our two stories differ in almost every way possible, we shared the same painful emotions. One of us was blindsided by her husband of 18 years with a roving eye. He wanted to continue his behavior without the pesky and troublesome detail of a wife. He was a successful businessman who provided a lavish lifestyle with a gorgeous home on the water, expensive cars and jewelry, expensive art, designer clothes, 5-star vacations and even a jet with two pilots. Without warning, her husband left her penniless and homeless. She suddenly found herself locked out of her home with her credit cards and cell phone cut off. Her husband’s declaration that he wanted a divorce was dropped like a hideous bomb. One minute it was all talk of new twin granddaughters on the way, fun trips and details of running a large home and busy social life. And the next moment it was all tears, sorting out what just happened to her marriage and life, and talking to a divorce lawyer.
The other of us loved a man for 20 years. He was the love of her life. Over that 20 years, they saw each other through numerous hardships. The loss of his daughter to a car accident, her son’s cancer, both dads’ cancers, his multiple bypass and heart-related surgeries, the death of both fathers, and much more. Finally, the time was right to marry. Her dream was within blessed reach. Then 32 days before their destination island wedding, her love had a fatal heart attack. Her long awaited dream imploded. They were also coworkers so to speak. She worked for the company he owned. So, with his death, she lost her love, her hope, her dreams and her source of support, all in one tragic moment.
So, we each collided headlong into our tragedies. Our life-changing losses were a few years apart starting with the death nightmare, then the divorce bomb. We had the blessing of each other. So, we had a willing shoulder to cry on. But we needed more. What we sought was a book that addressed the magnitude of our tumultuous emotions. There just had to be a book that would guide us to answers to our pain. There is the Bible, of course. But we were so crushed, so wounded, so fragmented, it was difficult to find the comfort we needed at the moment of fear, hopelessness, worry and sadness. Our tattered emotions were best described as shattered, like shards of a broken mirror. We saw no way to repair the damage, no way to heal and certainly no way to feel joy, ever again. We saw only reflections of ourselves, women in pieces, fearful, tearful, hopeless and fragile.
One of us spent many hours a day, sitting at her kitchen table piled high with books, Bibles in multiple translations and Bible studies. Usually clad in pajamas, sustained with little more than coffee, she poured over all of it, seeking comfort and answers. It took months for her to begin to see God in her mess.
The other wounded woman spent hours on the floor of book stores seeking what she needed to help her hurting heart. She found “how to” books that would probably serve her in the months to come, but not a book that addressed the first days and weeks of her new reality.
What we found were numerous resources that had a little of this and a little of that to heal us in our most broken state. We were very grateful those resources were available. But it was long, cumbersome and painful to slug through so much material, to glean what we needed while hurting so deeply. What a blessing it would have been to find a book or two that spoke to our immediate need of fragmented uncertainty and broken heartedness.
We both healed with the help of our precious God and the folks who wrote all those books. But one day while laboring through the mountains of books she purchased, the newly dumped wife said there had to be a better way to get the answers, information and scriptures she needed. In that moment, the idea to write the book she needed was birthed. We talked about the idea and instantly recognized we could save other hurting women so much time and pain. We could take what we learned and how we healed and write a book that was simple, digestible and healing, that was geared to the very earliest moments of a woman’s new and tragic reality. And we feel God chose us because one of us had piles and piles of resources and a talent for finding the right scripture for every purpose and the other had a leaning toward writing that started way back in college writing courses.
We spent the following months addressing 31 emotions and concerns. We wrote about the relentless crying, the fear of the unknown and the anger at our new situation. The freshness of our experience and the time we shared consoling and commiserating with each other served us well. The book “Shattered” seemed to write itself. Our readers responded with gratitude and detailed stories of their own difficult experiences. They longed for continued growth and healing and so the Bible study was born.
As new authors we marveled at how hopeless we once felt; how tearful we were and now we are whole, happy, healed, joyous, single and able to help other women go through similar situations. God used two shattered women to bring comfort to other shattered women! We now teach our Bible study in private homes and churches. We encourage our “graduates” to take the Bible study back to their neighborhoods and their churches. We now have therapists and pastors using these books to counsel the hurting!
It is our hope to get “Shattered’ and the companion Bible study into the hands of every broken woman, to speed her healing and minimize the time and damage her loss causes her. We are now happy, healed women who vividly remember a time when we needed to read just what we ended up writing. The scriptures we sought are tucked into each corresponding topic. So, if you find one day you feel fear, you can go to that chapter and deal with that emotion. If you are consumed with worry, we have a chapter for that. Then there is jealousy, anger, troubles and a host of other useful topics, each with its own chapter, prayer and scriptures.
We never dreamed our lives would be so whole, so happy, so God filled. We never dreamed we’d have peace and purpose. Our lives individually and together are filled with our own businesses, happy, large, busy social circles and wonderful church families. Each of us have joy with our children and grandchildren and all the sugary goodness they bring. Our lives are full and fun. We have it all when we once thought we were facing a life of sadness, pain and despair. We thank God for our healing and for using us for His purpose. We pray for those women who are facing their own loss of their spouse. We pray they can get their hands on “Shattered, Coping with the Pain of Divorce” and “Shattered, the Workbook.” This duo has scriptures of course but also personal stories, prayers, topic observations, summaries, journal pages and a specific focus on your personal time with God. They are available through Amazon, Barnes and Noble or any book supplier with a database. We yearn for your peace and joy to return. And when you get your healing and regain your footing, we pray you will let God use you. Pass along what you have learned. Blessings, Dyann Munoz and Sharon Steinman
If you would like to reach Sharon and Dyann, please feel free to email them at yayaheart@gmail.com