You Are Smart Enough

When I was in high school, I didn’t give much thought to what would happen afterward. I thought I’ll go to college, get a job, get married, etc. It sounded so easy. Once I graduated (with mediocre grades) I had no direction on what I wanted to do. I chose to attend BPCC to get my general courses, and while there I let my social butterfly take over. I joined organizations such as Student Government Association, Student Recruiting Team, New Student Orientation, and even participated in the Ms. BPCC pageant. I was the first student to write and implement a technology fee proposal. While there I declared a General Studies major because then I could take an assortment of courses, and I would find my true calling. I had this ideation that while in one of these classes I would have an epiphany and say, “Eureka! This is what I am called to do!” Alas, that did not happen. I made mediocre grades and again did not think of what would happen afterward. Once I realized graduation was rapidly approaching, I made an appointment to meet with the Chancellor at that time, Dr. Jim Henderson. I told him I was scared because I still had no clue about a career or even a job-the thought of returning to school for a Bachelor’s seemed out of my reach.

I was a mediocre student, but did not have any motivation or drive; I was nothing special therefore had nothing special to offer. Dr. Henderson set me up with an aptitude test to see the field for which I was most suited. Sales was number one followed by education. These were the two careers I considered, but I could not find motivation to go for it. I was stuck in my own thinking and was becoming my own worst enemy.

I was working as a waitress at the time at Texas Street Steakhouse. I was making great money, lived on my own, and got to work with all of my friends. I recall talking to my dad (an NSU alum), and I told him the thoughts and feelings I had and he said, “If you want to be a waitress forever, that is perfectly fine, just be the best waitress in the world. School isn’t for everyone. You are special and you have so much to offer, but you have to set your mind to something.” He was so supportive of anything I wanted to do, but he wanted me to stick with a decision (something I still have trouble doing). So, I decided after waiting tables a few more months and seeing everyone else go back to school, I should give it another shot.

Well, I made awful grades because I truly was not motivated. After a year of school, I gave up. That summer, I found myself living with a friend of mine and looking for jobs. I figured an Associate Degree and four years of experience waiting tables would be good enough for someone. Boy, I was so naïve. I found nothing that even came close to the money I was making waiting tables. Then the jobs that looked great required at least five years of experience and/or a bachelor degree. I found myself again feeling not special; therefore, I was unable to offer anything special. I started applying for jobs left and right. For anything that would offer steady pay and decent hours. Looking back, I realize I may have had a touch of the “Entitlement Flu.” I thought I would just get handed a position. After about 30 applications were sent in all I could hear were crickets. It was the point I gave up on myself. “Why spend more money to go back to school to get a job that I don’t even know I want?” There was no logic to that. I was really at a crossroads of what I should do.

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to
change the world.”
Nelson Mandella

My “a-ha!” moment came while talking to my mom and her supervisor. She told me, “You’re too smart to give up.” I know it’s simple and my family always told me I’m smart, but maybe having that third-party validation was my push. This was not just a family member or person to whom I was obligated, but someone from the outside saying this. My best friend, Whitney, and I had a conversation that we had to finish our bachelor’s degree, and we were going to do it together. We were each other’s accountability and study partners. So, we applied to LA Tech, and this time it was different. I thought, “You know what? I am special, I do have things to offer and if they want a bachelor degree to prove that, then that’s what they’ll get!” We went there in the evenings and worked waiting tables during the day. I absolutely thrived. Maybe it was the realization of the importance of having a degree or the sheer drive to prove to myself I could actually do it. While there, I pushed myself harder than I ever had and got results. I made the President’s and Dean’s list almost every quarter. I found my confidence in school. Before graduation, my stepdad talked with a local builder who was looking for a sales assistant in a neighborhood in North Bossier. Before I knew it, I accepted my first “big girl job.” I started one month before graduation, and I continued working there for two years and loved every minute of it. It was hard sometimes, but what job isn’t?

After having my daughter, I found myself perusing jobs and one jumped out at me- recruiter at Northwestern State University at the College of Nursing and School of Allied Health. When I first saw the position, I thought how ironic? When I took the aptitude test it suggested sales and education. Isn’t that what a recruiter is? I was so excited, yet nervous albeit I had zero nursing qualifications. But the description seemed to fit me, and that wasn’t a requirement. I applied and didn’t hear anything back. I remember one night telling my husband (while crying) that I was meant for that job and was disappointed. The very next morning, NSU called and offered me an interview. I felt confident that this was exactly where God wanted me. NSU thought the same and offered me the position. I have been here a year and a half and love it. Talking to prospective students, I see so much of myself in so many people that I’ve realized how many times do we doubt ourselves and our capabilities? How many times do we not risk something that could offer great reward? Is it the fear of failure? Is it the fear of the unknown? For me it was both; however, I rose above it and pushed through. There were many tears, fears, and unknowns, but the reward has been worth it. You are smart enough, you are worthy, and you can do this! “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”