Written by Ragan Aple, LPC
The holidays are often called “the most wonderful time of the year,” yet many families quietly admit they feel stretched thin, a little anxious, and unsure how to make everything merry and bright without burning out. If that sounds familiar, take a breath—nothing is wrong with you. A lot is simply happening.
As a counselor, I’ve noticed that holiday stress usually occurs around four areas: communication, expectations, routines, and organization. When we tend to these with kindness and clarity, the season softens. We make room for connection and create memories that feel like an exhale.
Communicate Clearly and Early
Holiday stress often begins long before the first cookie is baked—because so much is assumed instead of said. Take fifteen quiet minutes to jot down your holiday picture: travel plans, meal times, who’s hosting, gift exchanges, faith traditions, and (please don’t skip this) how much downtime your family needs to feel like themselves.
Then, call a quick “family huddle.” Ask each person—kids included—what they’re most looking forward to and what worries them. You might learn something surprising: a child who dreads loud greetings, a teen who craves a lazy movie morning, or a partner who needs an afternoon to shop alone.
Next, carry your plan outward. Text or call relatives to share the essentials and gently set boundaries:
- Arrival & departure: “We’ll arrive at 2 and head out by 6 so the kids can keep their bedtime.”
- Kid rhythms: “We’ll feed the little ones around 5—happy to bring something simple.”
- Off-limit topics: “We’re keeping the day politics-free so we can relax and enjoy each other.”
Boundaries aren’t about control—they’re about clarity. Clarity creates calm. When everyone knows the plan, there’s less room for hurt feelings or last-minute confusion.
A small script to try:
“Here’s what will help our family enjoy the day—we’ll be there at two, bring dessert, and head out by six for bedtime. We can’t wait to see everyone.”
And remember, communication starts with listening—to yourself and your family. Ask, “What would make this feel good for you?” Then try to honor at least one thing for each person.
Set Realistic Expectations (and Share Them)
A lot of holiday disappointment comes from unspoken or unrealistic expectations. Adults have them, kids have them, grandparents have them. Because we love one another, we hope for magic—and feel let down when the day is simply human.
Try this quick family exercise:
Each person names three things—
- One thing they hope happens
- One thing they’d rather avoid
- One way they can help the day go well
When people feel heard, they behave better.
Gift-giving deserves its own conversation. Too many presents can overstimulate kids. If gifts are plentiful, space them out: open a few on the holiday, then save some for later. Try a “Twelve Days of Play” basket to enjoy through the break. Let kids help decide: “Which two should we open today, and which should we save?” That turns the day from a frenzy into something to savor.
Adults need expectation-setting, too. If there’s been a tough year, a loss, or some simmering tension, name it privately and agree on a few ground rules that protect peace—like, “no political talk today.”
Talking about what to expect doesn’t kill the magic; it creates safety. And safety is what lets us relax enough to feel the magic when it shows up.
Keep Gentle Routines
Most of us feel calmer when at least a few things stay predictable. During the holidays, bedtimes drift, meals shift, and days blur. You don’t need a rigid schedule—but you do need anchors. Try:
- A simple bedtime or morning rhythm (teeth, pajamas, story; or coffee, stretch, breakfast)
- One meal at roughly the same time each day
- A dose of daylight or fresh air
- A short list of helpful tasks for older kids (“load the dishwasher,” “walk the dog,” “start laundry”)
Teens especially benefit from clear expectations before break starts. Resentment builds when parents work all day and come home to a messy kitchen and motionless teenagers. Try saying, “Sleep in, enjoy your day, just clean up after meals and be ready for dinner at six.” That’s not strict—it’s supportive. Predictability regulates the nervous system, and a regulated nervous system makes for a calmer home.
If travel is on the agenda, bring a few “portable comforts”: a favorite blanket, sound machine, or bedtime ritual (three breaths, short prayer, one-page journal). Familiar cues tell the body, “You’re safe; you can rest.”
Organize for Calm, Not Perfection
Planning ahead doesn’t mean orchestrating a Pinterest-perfect holiday; it means reducing decision fatigue so you can actually enjoy yourself. A few ideas:
- Keep one running holiday list (on paper or your phone) for groceries, gifts, and to-dos.
- Stock disposable containers for leftovers—your fridge will thank you.
- Set up a simple “kid zone” with coloring or puzzles so adults can visit after meals.
- Bring snacks and water when you’re out—steady blood sugar equals better moods for everyone.
The goal isn’t a flawless holiday. It’s one that feels peaceful, meaningful, and full of connection.
When Sensory, Anxiety, or Trauma Needs Are in the Room
Not everyone experiences festivities as fun. Loud rooms, unfamiliar foods, crowds, or bright lights can overwhelm kids and adults with sensory sensitivities, anxiety, or trauma histories. Compassion helps enormously.
A few tips:
- Decide your time frame before leaving home (“We’ll stay from 4 to 6”).
- Create a signal—a word, hand squeeze, or emoji—that means “I need a break.”
- Practice small exposures ahead of time (a slightly busier store, a larger church service).
- Preview the plan with kids: who’ll be there, what the space will look like, where the quiet spot is, and which foods are safe.
It’s okay to decline an event that you know will be too much. Protecting your (or your child’s) nervous system is health, not rudeness. If skipping everything leaves you lonely, choose one low-intensity gathering and build in an exit strategy. Sometimes a 45-minute visit is a brave, beautiful success.
Notice the signs of emotional flooding: withdrawal, fast talking, fidgeting, overeating, or over-drinking as a “social shield.” These aren’t moral failings—they’re signals. Meet them with compassion and a plan: step outside for air, take ten slow breaths, splash cool water, or drive around the block for a reset.
The Heart of It All: Noble Intent and Gratitude
Perfection is never the point. Ask yourself, “What’s my noble intent?” Am I trying to impress—or to connect? Create a magazine spread—or a memory?
Use a simple filter: Does this choice bring us closer or push us apart? If it brings you closer, it’s probably worth it—even if the pie is store-bought.
Practice gratitude out loud. At the end of the day—or as gifts are opened—ask everyone to name three things they’re grateful for, including at least one person they appreciate. It shifts attention from the gift to the giver, from having to belonging.
One tiny tradition I love: before guests arrive, light a candle and say together,
“May our home be a place of gentleness and joy today.”
Simple rituals like that reset the tone far better than any centerpiece.
Micro-Practices That Calm the Room
- Breathing: Inhale softly through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 2, exhale slowly for 4.
- Five Senses Grounding (kid-friendly): Hold a chocolate or peppermint—look, smell, feel, then taste slowly.
- Two-Minute Reset: Step outside, plant your feet, feel the air, name one thing you see, hear, and feel.
- Repair Script: “I got snappy earlier—I was overwhelmed, not mad at you. Can we start over?”
When to Reach Out for Extra Support
If the holidays consistently trigger panic, major conflict, heavy drinking, or deep sadness, it might be time to talk with a counselor or primary care provider. Getting support isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s a gift to yourself and to the people who love you.
Closing Thought
The holidays aren’t meant to be perfect—they’re meant to be cherished. With a little planning, flexible routines, shared expectations, and courageous communication, your family can create a season that feels like you: imperfect, warm, and full of the kind of moments that linger long after the lights come down.
Ragan Aple is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Unbroken Counseling LLC. in Shreveport, LA. She is a member of the National Board of Certified Counselors and specializes in:
- Trauma therapy – Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
- Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI)
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)